Compassion and Coaching

No matter how connected and collaborative you are, there are days when no one gets what you are going through.

When the challenges you face are yours and yours alone. It’s true for all of us from time to time.

I took a picture of the Lone Cypress while travelling on the 17-Mile drive along the Monterey Peninsula in California years ago. I’d seen photos of this famous landmark before the trip, but nothing compared to seeing it live.

It was such a phenomenal metaphor! And that was long before the global pandemic and the challenges of the last few years descended on us all.

I had the chance to ponder the image again recently while sorting through old photographs. It still moves me even though my faded old snapshot is not nearly as clear as the image in this post.

For me, this ancient tree symbolizes the times when, against all odds, we hang on tight while the waves of life shake the ground beneath us. It’s a lonely feeling.

It can be challenging to know who you can trust, who you can talk to and who will tell you the truth no matter what.

We, coaches, have an essential role to play in this very human experience. We act as a witness to the challenges that our clients face. We are their confidential thinking partners. We are our client’s corner when the stakes are high and when the chips are down.

A critical ally when they are ready to polish their leadership style, grow their business, prepare for a promotion, execute a significant corporate change strategy, or recover from a personal or professional setback.

In a nutshell, our clients turn to coaches when they feel like the Lone Cypress.

I have observed three common reasons that individuals engage a coach.

Reason #1 They are stuck.

They feel like they’ve been handed a blindfold and a Rubik’s Cube covered in peanut butter. A thorny tangle needs figuring out, but despite their best efforts, they need help solving the puzzle.

Reason #2 They are growing.

They are ready to make a change. Maybe they know what it is, and perhaps they don’t. But what they do know for sure is that staying the same is just not an option.

Reason #3 Their surroundings are changing.

Their work life or their home life is in a state of flux. Chaos abounds, and the next steps feel baffling.

What does all of this mean for you as a coach?

Beware of becoming the Lone Cypress yourself. We have a responsibility as coaches to keep our skills current and ourselves in balance if we want to support others. Find a group of like-minded coaches, join a community of practice, or work with a coach.

Practice self-compassion. As coaches, we need to pay attention to how we treat ourselves. When you treat others compassionately, as we do in coaching, you experience a deep sense of connection. It just flows so freely from your heart.

Yet, when did you last extend that same compassion to yourself? Somehow, many of us received the message that treating ourselves with loving kindness is not okay.

We believe we must be tough on ourselves to succeed or survive. But the opposite is true. Many wonderful resources can help you learn more. For example,  check out the Power of Self-Compassion. Hint: You can collect CCE units in Resource Development while learning!

I hope you are moving toward your dreams and supporting those around you who feel like the Lone Cypress. And that you are keeping yourself in balance, so you have the strength and compassion to do so.